Originally, I planned on writing this post last night, so that "tomorrow" would actually be today, my departure date. But for some strange reason I will never understand, most flights to Europe are overnight, so although I leave today, I'll arrive in Germany tomorrow. Surprisingly, I was actually pretty at peace with this whole thing until last night. I had expected the panic to set in much earlier, but in fact, in the weeks leading up to today, I managed to distract myself from fear with my very long to-do lists. Now that the lists are finished, I have too much time to think, but I have to find the peace again. That's the only good way to do this.

Luckily, This time I won't have to deal with two of those three factors this time. In contrast to the -20 temperatures at home, Germany is currently a pleasant 55 degrees. As for the culture shock, I might sill have a little at some point, but I'm so thankful that this isn't my first time to the metaphorical rodeo. I know a little bit of what to expect, and I know that I have felt at home in Germany before, so I can again. As for the jet lag, I've learned that that just comes down to luck. The first time I went to Germany, I was so out of whack that I didn't sleep for 4 days. However, the second time I went to Germany, I was completely fine within a day. I think most of it is luck, but some of it has to do with your mindset going in. On the second trip, I was more confident. That time, I was flying completely alone, but I just didn't panic because I knew that wouldn't get me anywhere. When the mind is in a good place, it's easier for the body to be too.
So this time around, I hope that I can use what experience has taught me. In fact, I wonder if it's somehow possible to just skip the whole beginning part where I get upset and panicked. Can I just skip to the part where I start to feel comfortable and never want to go home? Because I know that part will come, and I don't want to waste a single day feeling upset when I only get so many to begin with. What if I just don't worry? Don't cry? Don't take it all so seriously? As of now, that's my plan, to just let it all happen as it's supposed to. We'll see how that plan holds up when I get to the airport.
Like every soon-to-be study abroader, I'm scared and excited at the same time. Everyone says this will be the time of my life, and while I generally agree, I also think that adds a lot of pressure for me to make it that good. This experience is a gift, a blessing. But it's hard. It's once again the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Over the whole winter break, I've thought about it non-stop. In fact, my favorite little part of each day was the four seconds after I woke up each morning, and in my half-deeming state, didn't remember yet that this challenge was approaching so soon. And then every morning, it hit me all over again. Finally, this morning, It's time. Time to put one foot in front of the other and step into this blessing, this adventure, reminding myself that the things we fear most are the things most worth having.
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